An adolescent crush

In my high school years, and maybe junior high years (I've blocked out those years from my memory), I simultaneously started lashing out against my dissatisfaction with the world, took a leap of faith, and was introduced to... Relient K. These boys hold a special place in my heart; some of their songs have got me from beginning to end. The lyrics can be witty (mood rings) and hilarious (in love with the 80's), but they are usually just so... real. Everytime I fail, it's really nice to have these boys, especially Matthew Theissen, singing and voicing exactly how I feel so much more in tune and eloquently than I can.

Sometimes it's embarrassing to talk to you
To hold a conversation with the only one who sees right through
This version of myself
I try to hide behind
I'll bury my face because my disgrace will leave me terrified

And sometimes I'm so thankful for your loyalty
Your love regardless of
The mistakes I make will spoil me
My confidence is, in a sense, a gift you've given me
And I'm satisfied to realize you're all I'll ever need

You looked into my life and never stopped
And you're thinking all my thoughts
Are so simple, but so beautiful
And you recite my words right back to me
Before I even speak
You let me know, I am understood

And sometimes I spend my time
Just trying to escape
I work so hard so desperately, in an attempt to create space
Cause I want distance from the utmost important thing I know
I see your love, then turn my back and beg for you to go

You're the only one who understands completely
You're the only one knows me yet still loves completely

And sometimes the place I'm at is at a loss for words
If I think of something worthy I know that its already yours
And through the times I've faded and you've outlined me again
You've just patiently waited, to bring me back and then
Sometimes it's embarrassing to talk to you
To hold a conversation with the only one who sees right through
This version of myself
I try to hide behind
I'll bury my face because my disgrace will leave me terrified

And sometimes I'm so thankful for your loyalty
Your love regardless of
The mistakes I make will spoil me
My confidence is, in a sense, a gift you've given me
And I'm satisfied to realize you're all I'll ever need

You looked into my life and never stopped
And you're thinking all my thoughts
Are so simple, but so beautiful
And you recite my words right back to me
Before I even speak
You let me know, I am understood

And sometimes I spend my time
Just trying to escape
I work so hard so desperately, in an attempt to create space
Cause I want distance from the utmost important thing I know
I see your love, then turn my back and beg for you to go

You're the only one who understands completely
You're the only one knows me yet still loves completely

And sometimes the place I'm at is at a loss for words
If I think of something worthy I know that its already yours
And through the times I've faded and you've outlined me again
You've just patiently waited, to bring me back and then

The noise has broken my defense
Let me embrace salvation
Your voice has broken my defense
Let me embrace salvation

On the topic of me and failure... there is this one verse that definitely caught my attention for more than one reason this past week. It reminded me that my expectations for myself are not my reason for living, that I have hope beyond myself. A guest speaker who lived for awhile in Hawaii came to my church this past Sunday and gave us this verse, in Pidgin, which made it all the more memorable and possibly even more comprehensible...

Wen you guys get chance fo do da bad kine stuff, dass da same ting, jalike wat happen to all da odda peopo. But you know, you guys can trus God fo do wat he say. He no goin let you guys get so plenny presha dat you guys no can handle. Everytime get presha lidat, God goin make um so you guys can get outa dat. He goin make you guys strong fo handle, an no fall down.

1 Corinthians 10:13