An adolescent crush

In my high school years, and maybe junior high years (I've blocked out those years from my memory), I simultaneously started lashing out against my dissatisfaction with the world, took a leap of faith, and was introduced to... Relient K. These boys hold a special place in my heart; some of their songs have got me from beginning to end. The lyrics can be witty (mood rings) and hilarious (in love with the 80's), but they are usually just so... real. Everytime I fail, it's really nice to have these boys, especially Matthew Theissen, singing and voicing exactly how I feel so much more in tune and eloquently than I can.

Sometimes it's embarrassing to talk to you
To hold a conversation with the only one who sees right through
This version of myself
I try to hide behind
I'll bury my face because my disgrace will leave me terrified

And sometimes I'm so thankful for your loyalty
Your love regardless of
The mistakes I make will spoil me
My confidence is, in a sense, a gift you've given me
And I'm satisfied to realize you're all I'll ever need

You looked into my life and never stopped
And you're thinking all my thoughts
Are so simple, but so beautiful
And you recite my words right back to me
Before I even speak
You let me know, I am understood

And sometimes I spend my time
Just trying to escape
I work so hard so desperately, in an attempt to create space
Cause I want distance from the utmost important thing I know
I see your love, then turn my back and beg for you to go

You're the only one who understands completely
You're the only one knows me yet still loves completely

And sometimes the place I'm at is at a loss for words
If I think of something worthy I know that its already yours
And through the times I've faded and you've outlined me again
You've just patiently waited, to bring me back and then
Sometimes it's embarrassing to talk to you
To hold a conversation with the only one who sees right through
This version of myself
I try to hide behind
I'll bury my face because my disgrace will leave me terrified

And sometimes I'm so thankful for your loyalty
Your love regardless of
The mistakes I make will spoil me
My confidence is, in a sense, a gift you've given me
And I'm satisfied to realize you're all I'll ever need

You looked into my life and never stopped
And you're thinking all my thoughts
Are so simple, but so beautiful
And you recite my words right back to me
Before I even speak
You let me know, I am understood

And sometimes I spend my time
Just trying to escape
I work so hard so desperately, in an attempt to create space
Cause I want distance from the utmost important thing I know
I see your love, then turn my back and beg for you to go

You're the only one who understands completely
You're the only one knows me yet still loves completely

And sometimes the place I'm at is at a loss for words
If I think of something worthy I know that its already yours
And through the times I've faded and you've outlined me again
You've just patiently waited, to bring me back and then

The noise has broken my defense
Let me embrace salvation
Your voice has broken my defense
Let me embrace salvation

On the topic of me and failure... there is this one verse that definitely caught my attention for more than one reason this past week. It reminded me that my expectations for myself are not my reason for living, that I have hope beyond myself. A guest speaker who lived for awhile in Hawaii came to my church this past Sunday and gave us this verse, in Pidgin, which made it all the more memorable and possibly even more comprehensible...

Wen you guys get chance fo do da bad kine stuff, dass da same ting, jalike wat happen to all da odda peopo. But you know, you guys can trus God fo do wat he say. He no goin let you guys get so plenny presha dat you guys no can handle. Everytime get presha lidat, God goin make um so you guys can get outa dat. He goin make you guys strong fo handle, an no fall down.

1 Corinthians 10:13

Treasuring every step

I have...

· Performed my violin with the wind blowing my sheet music away in the port of Nassau

· Befriended the piano bar man aboard a ship in the Carribean

· Tasted sushi freshly caught on a boat off the shore of the Grand Bahamas

· Climbed Dunn’s waterfall in Montego Bay

· Ascended to the top of Köln Döm

· Retraced Martin Luther’s steps in the quietness that is Lutherstadt-Wittenburg

· Contrasted the modernity and the history that is Berlin

· Slept in a sketchy inn in Montmarte, Paris

· Hiked the red roads up to the Holyrood Crags in Edinburgh

· Punted in Cambridge

· Pretended to be going through King Cross’s Platform 9¾ in London

· Worshipped in Spanish and English simultaneously with brothers and sisters in Christ around a bonfire in Luque

· Drank yerba maté in Asunción

· Raced to see the Forbidden City, Tiananmen Square, Badaling Great Wall, the Temple of Heaven, and the Summer Palace in three days in Beijing

· Strolled along the ‘canals’ and quaint streets in Suzhou, the Venice of the East

· Observed riots, thousands strong, in Seoul at midnight

· Relived my mom’s childhood in Suwon

· Gotten an IV stuck in me for the first time in an emergency room in Pohang

· Witnessed creation glorifying God in Yosemite

· Been disappointed because the Golden Gate Bridge was obscured by fog in San Francisco

· Been exiled to an arcade where a straight man told me about his uncle and roommate, who are famous drag queens in Las Vegas

· Gotten stuck on top of a mountain in a forest fire, and was thus forced to literally stop and look at the bajillion stars in our universe while the fire was fought, on Mt. Rushmore on Independence Day

· Dropped my camera in the Everglades after canoeing into mangroves in Collier County

· Ravaged Maryland blue crabs, topped with Old Bay spice, in Baltimore

· Hiked down Mt. Cannon in the White Mountains in New Hampshire

· Driven around in golf carts around the little island of Put-in-Bay, Ohio

There are more, and there will be more to come. For me, the point of traveling is not to simply see more of the world. It's to know more of people and to challenge my limits and comfort zone.

I have been blessed, by people and by places. And by opportunity.

Starting a journey of many sorts

Although I am sitting right where I am supposed to be on a weekday afternoon- in front of my government designated Gateway computer- my mind is clearly not on radioisotopes and...anything else related to national security. My heart, on its own journey, is already in Istanbul, where I'll be standing in front of the Blue Mosque and the Hagia Sophia. My mind on Christian history in Turkey, where the seven churches in Revelations are commonly destinations for "faith-tours", where one can find Christian-history enthusiasts in fanny-packs.

I am so excited.

Of course, being in a foreign country, not knowing a single word of the language, and being allergic to foods that are used in nearly all the desserts will be a journey in its own league, but I am curious as to the difficulties, the revelations, and the appreciations I will garner leading up to my time abroad.

And here we go.